More and more brides are wanting their grooms to take an active role in the planning of their wedding. Of course there are certain things that you absolutely want to take care of but most importantly you want to feel like a team and that you guys are doing this together. I mean, you are getting married after all! There is no better feeling to a bride then seeing her groom work hard to make their dream wedding become a reality and being supportive with their ideas and plans. We all know that everything out there for a wedding is geared towards the bride, but it is becoming more common to have the groom be just as involved. We want to help with this because this process should be done together as a team. The challenge is how do you make this happen when your groom may not be as knowledgeable, enthusiastic or have the drive to get all of your wedding to do list things knocked out?! I've got the secret sauce! We have these 5 great tips that will for sure help you get your groom involved, invested and make planning that much better as you work together to build and support each other for the wedding of your dreams.
1. Words of Affirmation
During wedding planning, it is no surprise that your groom is going to be "new to this". As men, we typically thrive on affirmation! Being able to know that we are capable of completing a task, effective at it and being believed in is key to our ability to complete it! Your groom wants and needs your verbal affirmation that he is going to do "GREAT" at whatever task he is given or is responsible for. Make sure during the heat of stressful times and decision making you can make him feel needed and that his opinion matters.
2. Make Him Feel Needed
Often times there are so many needs and things to do in planning a wedding that your groom may not know exactly where to start or how to help. There is nothing more empowering to most men than feeling needed, to feel like he is the superhero and can save the day if you need him to! Sometimes, yes he may do it on his timeline and not yours and wait until the last minute, but he will for sure get it done if he feels that you "NEED" him to! Remember this wedding is for both of you and in preparation for a lifelong marriage! You love him, you value him and you need him just as much as he needs you. Make sure he knows that.
3. Focus on his strengths
Choosing the colors of your linen, the type of flowers to decorate the ceremony or which make-up artist or Hairstylist you should decide to go with probably will not get your groom screaming in excitement, and you know what, that is okay! That is what your bridesmaids are for! He may have a great ear for choosing the music, or may be awesome at video or helping with the guest list, etc. Have a conversation about what you both are good at and come up with a game plan.
4. Keep it simple!
You as a bride may be able to handle 5 tasks at once and get them ALL done within a day but your groom may need one task at a time to complete per week or per month, be realistic in your expectations of your groom. Make that task as simplified as possible with as few steps as possible or explain in detail what needs to be done. Try your best to not let the wedding planning take over every conversation. Set aside days when you don't talk about the wedding and just talk about or do fun stuff together! After all this is just one day of the rest of your life together!
5. Think about his support system
In the same way you have the support system of your bridesmaids, your parents, your wedding planner, etc. you value their opinions and they influence your decisions. Your groom will listen and be encouraged by the men in his life such as his father, groomsmen, brother, etc! Think of it like this: Your groom is the team captain of an all star basketball team but every basketball team has 5 players on the court at all time. Think of projects he can do along with his groomsmen but also bring those men up in conversation so that he can be reminded of their support and they can work together in completing those tasks if they are available. Reminding him that he does not have to do everything alone will help relieve some of his stress. You may need to remind him it is okay to ask for help.
We reached out to hear from some of our past bride and grooms about this subject and thought it would be helpful to get their advice and point of view:
Groom: "You will need to be patient and to learn to be flexible. A wedding is tough to plan but I got very lucky because my bride to be is super organized! She made a book and everything! My fiancé gets me excited because it’s choices we are making together, because in life as a couple when you get married things become a We. I had to learn that a few times. As a team you're on the same page and that’s what a partnership is about. It’s not easy work but it’s worth it 1000% to talk and understand each other’s perspective!"
Bride: She recognized that her groom was "easy going" but that was one of his strengths and she also realized that he was good at "bringing me back down to reality when needed"
Groom: "Just be involved and invested despite the craziness because it is going to be crazy. Remember that it is your day as well so your opinion matters and this is a great way to help and support your bride. This is an opportunity to start working together as a unit and preparing for a life of being married."
Bride: "My groom did most of the big picture stuff like booking most of the vendors. He would search and narrow the options down and then we would make the final decision together. I'm not great at making decisions when there are too many options so my groom stepped in to help with the process. I learned I needed to communicate my overall vision to him ahead of time."
The best advice we can give you is, no one knows your man better than you do! When trying to navigate through wedding planning remember to be realistic with who he is, his personality and what type of things you know he will be good at and need help with. Keep in mind that no matter what he loves you and at the end of the day wants to marry you!
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